There are a lot of love songs on the radio. Some are all about the passion of a great affair. Others tout the sacrifices that one lover would be willing to make for another. Lovers in songs are willing to die for each other. They pine for their lost counterparts for years, waiting on street corners for days or leaving romantic messages on their answering machines, just in case the lost one calls. These gestures are all very moving and appropriately dramatic for music, but in real life the small sacrifices that a successful, healthy relationship demands can be much more difficult than taking a bullet or throwing oneself on a grenade.
Self Awareness in Relationships
It is easy for a person who is overly self aware to be perceived as selfish, and for this reason, society tends to stigmatize overly, or overtly self aware people as being either arrogant or insecure, depending on how the self awareness manifests. For people in relationships, though, self awareness is crucial, because each partner in a couple is a reflection, to some degree, of the other. It is a popular trend in Western culture to encourage an independent, "who cares what anyone else thinks" kind of attitude, but for a person considering a long term, possibly lifetime, commitment, it is very important what at least one, certain someone else thinks.
This does not provide license to be narcissistic or a cause to be insecure. What it means is that each member of a couple should be conscious of the fact that there is another person around and what that other person expects and can deal with. It means asking one's self, "Would I be able to live with somebody who behaved like this all the time?" Even those not currently married or cohabitating should keep this question in mind if he or she is considering something long term.
Talk About Money
It's not always easy to talk money in a relationship. Movies, television, music, and storybooks all conspire to ingrain in us the belief that all that really matters for a relationship to work is that two people love each other enough to overcome all obstacles. Unfortunately, none of those songs or stories address how to overcome those obstacles, and the biggest of those obstacles is money.
The number one problem cited in divorce cases is finance. It may be uncomfortable, but when two people live together, it is important that they come to some kind of financial agreement. This is true whether those people are roommates or lovers. It is not a problem if a couple agrees that one partner will mostly handle the bills and bank accounts. In fact, it can make things easier if both partners can agree that one should control most of the finances, as long as neither partner is cut off from the money and both are kept in the loop about the couple's financial situation.
Communication is Key
This may seem like the most obvious and clichéd advice, but a relationship will not work if the partners don't keep each other apprised of what is happening in their lives. Each partner in a relationship is still an individual, and so will have his or her own, independent experiences, but the future of each partner may depend on the experiences of the other. As has already been mentioned, one partner controlling the money can be very convenient, but each partner should have input into how bills and accounts are handled.
Money is not the only thing to talk about, either. People grow and change. If a couple isn't communicating well, those changes may seem to happen overnight. Opening up to each other on a regular basis will help each partner grow together rather than apart. By communicating effectively, each partner becomes a positive influence on the other to strengthen and invigorate their relationship and help the other grow into a perpetually-improving husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend.
Sources
- McCloud, Linda M. Top Reasons People Divorce. Associated Content June 1, 2006. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/35097/top_reasons_people_divorce.html
Beau Harmon - Beau is a Mensan and graduate of Oklahoma State University. His interests range from balloon animals and robots to the depths of ...
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